"Novell Girl"

The song is from the perspective of someone ("Ardi") who really likes Novell, a network operating system that was in use at work at the time (1998). Spoken/Sung to the tune of Aqua's "Barbie Girl". (The very first part of the song is spoken.)

"Novell Girl"

Hi ya, Ardi.
Hi, Gates!
Ya wanna see system died?
Sure, Gates!
Boot in....

I'm a Novell girl, NT makes me hurl....
DOS is spastic; DEC is flaccid!

You can SALVAGE there;
RECOVER everywhere.
FILER's dates creation.

Come on, Ardi, let's go coffee...

I'm a Novell girl, it makes me feel secure....
DOS you hack it; DEC you smack it!

Even from my chair,
RCONSOLE everywhere.
Logical connection.

I'm a blonde, and I curl
in reality world.
Connect up, make it right;
Help Desk's calling.

You're so tall, I'm a troll,
Windows isn't a pain.
Click me here, scroll me there,

You can work; you can't play,
if you say "I'm always bored..."

I'm a Novell girl, its kernel is a pearl.
I can BROADCAST; network extract!

I can help from there;
Run backups everywhere.
Make a user...
Or REMOVE a loser.

Come on, Ardi, SYSCON hearty...
View, add, set, yeah!
Come on, Ardi, run "Who Am I"...
Cool!  Cool!
Come on, Ardi, go see Charlee...
F and T, yeah....
Come on, Ardi, who's the groupie...
It's you!  It's you!

Set the clock, prime the dock,
put a tape in it, please.
I get into my car; servers never do freeze.

SESSION in, Novell friend;
let us boot it again.
MAP the town, snoop around;
Let's go tell, eh?

You can MOUNT; you can NAME,
if you say "It's always yours..."
You can LOAD; you can BIND,
when you may, protocol yours...

Come on, Ardi, go help Gracie...
Alt-'trol-Del, yeah!
Come on, Ardi, I help Donny...
You do?  You do?
Come on, Ardi, don't be silly...
Nyah, nyah, nyah, yeah!
Come on, Ardi, go see Petey...
Oh-oh, oh!  Oh-oh, oh!!

I'm a Novell girl, its flag I will unfurl.
NT's so sick; Gates' bombastic!

No bugs in my hair;
Novell is everywhere.
Quick implementation.

Netware four one one... is NOS for everyone.
DOS is spastic; DEC is flaccid!

See my network flair
connecting everywhere.
NT frustration...

Come on, Ardi, let's go coffee...
Gulp, talk, gulp, yeah!
Come on, Ardi, go call Larrie...
Call who?  Help who?
Come on, Ardi, let's go munchie...
No beep lunch, yeah!
Come on, Ardi, please help Normie...
Oh no-oh!  Oh no-oh!

Oh, Netware is so much fun!
But, Ardi, Microsoft's just started.
Oh, I loathe you, Gates!


Your comments, suggestions, questions, or concerns would be very much appreciated. Please direct them to: vschmid@telus.net.

Above Alternate Lyrics Copyright ©1998 (recognizing the rights, words, and music of the song's original creator(s)) Vernon R.J. Schmid.  All rights reserved (including those of the song's original creator(s)).
Web page created 2021-03-14.